The Adventures of Tintin

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Aside from the badly stereotyped characters, and the overly ridiculous action sequences, I liked the movie, and thought it was OK. But, I just came away feeling like somebody had put me on a thrill ride and told me I was supposed to have fun and that I would come away feeling exhilarated but instead I came away feeling set up. I just couldn't shake the feeling. My wife loved it, thought it was every bit the thrill ride. Well, I have to give it those moments. Visually it was very appealing. But then, I started wondering if I'd ever seen any of the original comics that this was based upon. Turns out I haven't seen those either. So, I won't downgrade it on the fact that apparently, it was not very true to the author's original intent. Instead, it felt like Indiana Jones on steroids. It seemed to me they did things just because they could. You know what I mean, they took the type of silly Raider's stunts and had them move to the next level of ... difficulty. That's a poor word to describe action shots, but you get my drift. They just stretched it a bit too far I thought. Then, there's the plethora of silly characters who add nothing to the story but give us some bizarre attempt at comedy. I liked the dog Snowy the best. As he had to be mainly a dog and be subject to some limitations, his portrayal in the movie was at least mostly believable. Not that a comic book should be believable or anything - it's just that I think I wanted to like Tintin and even to think he was a hero, but I couldn't because of all the far-fetched stuff happening around him and to him. Dueling cranes ... what next Mr. Spielberg, dancing hippos? Oh, no, Mr. Disney already did that.

This isn't the worst movie ever made, but it certainly lacks... well, anything of value. It all just meanders around, always making you think that something is about to happen, but nothing ever does. In many ways it's very similar to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but it feels twice as long and is even less entertaining. There's a terribly weak MacGuffin that sets everything into motion (or at least the appearance of motion), then a young man goes chasing after it for little reason other than curiosity, then he partners up with a salty older man whose key characteristic is that he's a hopeless drunkard (a simple switch of focus from older male lead to younger). Oh, and there's a terrible, hopelessly mean baddie... who does what villains do. There are several instances of Indiana Jones-like chase scenes and blah, blah, blah... It just gets bogged down in so much, "been there, done that" territory, all the while spinning and whipping you around during long, increasingly boring attempts at "set pieces" where the camera seems to never stop flipping and turning and careening in and out of bubbles or reflections in swords or puddles and drawing faaaaar too much attention to each transition between nearly every shot! So not only is there nothing going on, there is SO MUCH nothing going on that it's difficult not to throw your 3D glasses to the floor and stomp out only an hour into the whole mess... which is precisely what we did (well, it may have been an hour and 15 minutes into it). Oh, and the last straw was really the fact that the MacGuffin is simply sunken treasure... Give me a break! There MUST be more interesting things to search for in this world besides freaking sunken treasure!!! Sure, it may have turned out to be something a bit more interesting, but after an hour and however long, it was too painful to imagine sitting through another 30 or so minutes of the blandest bit of flashy mediocrity I've seen in ages.

Spielberg ignored the story lines of the book completely and created a messed up hodgepodge of random events that made no sense. Why did Sakharine become the villain? He was an idiot ancillary character in the books, not related to Red Rackham. No Bird brothers, no trip to go look for the treasure, no Calculus, no personality for Snowy.... The whole thing brought back horrible memories from Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. It just made no sense, Spielberg blew it. For all Tintin fans, this will be a huge letdown, but for people looking for a standard 'dip your head into the trough' movie..... Oh well, 2/10 for the CGI.