The Goonies

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Full disclosure: I wasn't a Goonie generation. However, I decided to watch it upon seeing good ratings and plenty of good reviews. The possibility of watching another 80s adventure classic like Stand By Me was highly intriguing... But movie did not live up to those expectations. At all. The beginning was decent enough though, but soon after enormous plot holes and a lot of shouting mixed with unnecessarily loud background music killed my interest. And that's how it remained for the rest of the movie. It made me so puzzled because how can such a movie get such good reviews? I've seen some wonderful movies and series who were bashed big time even though their supposed plot holes were nothing compared to those in Goonies (I mean, how come nobody in 350 years wondered what was at the bottom of that wishing well?!). The only explanation I found is that you can like Goonies only if it was your childhood movie. I tried watching it at age 22, and it simply did not work.

The Goonies is a headscratcher to me. It was created by some of the best filmmakers in Hollywood, Directed by Richard Donner, Produced by Steven Spielberg, and written by Christopher Columbus. I love much of the work of all listed, but I find The Goonies is one of the worst studio movies ever made. It is the ultimate in Hollywood schlock. Some will likely accuse me of not liking it because I do not have a good imagination. I can only say I disagree. I would argue those who like it do not have a good sense of things that suck. Goonies is a never ending series of very loud, annoying and preposterous situations that will have you rolling your eyes more than a Felix the Cat clock. First and foremost, the continuous dialog and general noise in this movie is enough to make it a form of torture. The audio is pegged at 10 from the opening and never once lets up. Secondly, the gaps in reality: it's just a kids film you say? Movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark and Star Wars intelligently made a kids genre entertaining. Ditto to The Bad News Bears, Home Alone or anything Walt Disney Produced. This film bashes you over the head with every cliché and impossible situation imaginable. The characters are all one dimensional and unimaginative, most all of them have an adult wit and a snappy response for every thing posed to them like a kid from a bad sitcom, and I cannot stress this enough, all of them talk nonstop, mostly simultaneously, for the entire film. I am puzzled that Goonies is in the IMDb Top 500. I honestly believe it deserves to be on the IMDb bottom 100. My guess is people who like it saw the film when they were young and relate it to happy, nostalgic times in their childhood. If that be the case, be prepared for a shocker when you discover how poorly it aged. In regards to its genre, it may be found inappropriate by some parents, though maybe not by today's standards. There is a lot of dirty language and disrespect to authority in general. I suppose some people think it's cute when kids cuss, are disrespectful to their parents and do what ever the they feel. I think it ruins the fun of a kid's movie. On a side note; The Goonies also teaches kids that crappy film making is expectable behavior. It is not. The tech specs are fine, even very good at times, and the locations dramatic, but the story is absolutely preposterous. Kids alternately acting like stupid kids and then like genius adults, inventing and executing ridiculously impossible solutions to their problems, which frequently make no sense at all, (down this hole must be the only way out of this basement - but then why did one kid just climb out a window?). And what was with director Richard Donner's perspective of reality? Kids are yelling when they need to whisper, yet still not being heard. A teen age jock is bound by a single rap around his arms with one of those stretchy chest exercise springs? That same jock is unwillingly dragged by a car because the driver is pushing down on his hand as he holds onto the car door? There are a bevy of Batman the TV series escape opportunities - if you are going to kill a kid, just push him into a pool of water and walk away, assuming he's dead for sure. In one scene a kid is paralyzed with horror as he awaits the reveal of a monster, then suddenly, for no apparent reason, forsakes said viewing and starts making out with his girl friend. I will give you that certain liberties can be taken both in film making, and especially with this genre, but surely SOMETHING has to make sense or you lose your audience. Right? Hmm, a famous saying of P.T. Barnum comes to mind. On second thought, forget everything I just said.

Best movie of the 80's without question. All these 1-star reviews must be millennials with their usual ignorance to when the world was happier.

After 25+ years, I finally watched this movie with my daughter and after 45 minutes I had to leave the room. The CONSTANT screaming and yelling by all the characters was more than I could take. The dialog was stupid, the characters over-acted, the fat kid was annoying as hell, and the amount of plot holes made this laughable at best. The premise of the movie is great...a remake could do well, but as this stands I couldn't stand to hear one more second of it. And seriously, they cast Martha Plimpton??? Of all the struggling actors in Hollywood, this is who they picked? I guess they needed a homely girl that couldn't act, so they picked her (with Kerri Green being a close second).

Well,well,well.......this film has became one of my all-time favorite movie!The first time i watched the movie i just couldn't help myself wishing I was there with them.The movie is so full of adventure!But what really bothered me was the exact date it was filmed!Oh my gosh it was dated back in 1985!I was not even born by that time.....But hey they did a pretty good job!I wish i could owned this in DVD so i can watched anytime & show this to my children.But it was so hard to find. So i guess i just had to stick to our cable. It was amazing to see Sean Astin(Mikey)so young and active.You could certainly see the difference he is now in Lord of the Rings trilogy. The story isn't like any...it was so unique!The place and view are awesome and was actually filmed in the City of Astoria. My favorite character is Mikey and Josh.They are two brothers who wants to help their parents.So Mikey,being the youngest wants to find that treasure to save them from Troy's dad.My favorite lines were.... "When you look in the sky,it will be another town,when you see your friends,it will be in another school". It's kinda touchy and sentiment....but good!I remember the new album of Ataris(So long Astoria)where it became one of their song.I was reading the lyrics and there was a similarity in the movie.The last part goes like this, "So long Astoria,i found a map to buried treasure and even if we come home empty-handed we still have our stories of pirate ships & wounded hearts,broken bones and the best of friendships.& when this hourglass out its final grain of sand.I raised my glass to the memories we had.This is my wish,i'm taking them back,I'm taking them all back." I remember mouth said the last lines when they were trapped inside the cave.I guess the band members of Ataris saw the movie in their childhood years and like them,we were spell-binded by its great story. So long The Goonies,you will be remembered as one of the most amazing movies we had.Just like the movie,"The relics of remembrance are just like shipwrecks only they're gone faster than the smell of the rain." But for now,you became a resurrected memories from ashes in our childhood dreams.......