Hell Squad

Hell Squad

The "movie" (it's so cheaply done, I'm inclined to believe it's just a student film gone bad) is just an excuse to parade scantily-clad women in the desert, let them go after the bad arabs and whine for the rest of the show. There's little action (you'd think they'd at least learn martial arts; no!!! they fight like, duh, girls!) and lots of boring dialog. SPOILER!!!: The ending (finding out who the traitor is), which involves proper toilet manners for women (figure it out: it involves keeping the seat up), reveals a cross-dresser villain in their midst (ok, in the office that recruited them). Whatever pompous theme this movie supposedly maintains (e.g., equality among the sexes, world corruption, security) is lost in the mindless miasma of ennui and inanity. A poor man's Doll Squad (not that Francine York and company are any better!).

From the cheesy dialog to the no-talent 'actresses', there is not one redeeming quality about this 'film'! About the point these commando bikini-models were putting on their flippers and snorkel gear to swim across a lake in a middle of a desert to a stock photograph of a castle in the European mountains I lost my lunch. The biggest laugh of the movie was the reveal of 'Ann' as 'Andy' when a halloween budget mask was pulled off of Ann/Andy. Couldn't help but think of Austin Powers, "That's a MAN, man!" So bad it's laughable! If there was a ZERO STAR rating this movie would have it!

"Hell squad hell squad we're the best, don't ever put us to the test. We're a helluva of a fighting machine, we are tough and goddamn mean. The hell squad girls gotta lot of sass, if you mess with us we'll kick your ass." Uh, sure anytime. You can actually start anywhere in the movie and start watching. I picked this point where they where matching and all had matching short-shorts with some type of beret and chanting the above ditty. After a few weeks each one is commando trained and an expert in their field, according to the recruiter. The filmmakers had a great time making this thing. The only thing that it lacks was a group shower scene. Lots of Hollywood bunny "actors" from small town Idaho and New Jersey (probably). After trekking out with jeeps they kill a group of Arab soldiers, who can't fight, then they go back to the hotel and take another group bath. On and on it just never ends. Don't think we'll get a blue ray anytime soon.

I couldn't believe how bad this was. Still I was entertained. Why? Those ladies, despite their obvious 'talent', (hehheh) were GORGEOUS. This was stock footage surrounded by a two set filming. The lack of real cast was desperately covered up. So many missions that we never saw. Then the ladies come home in their military/* unis and lounge in provocative positions. One reason to see this film...you're drunk and love to see ladies in hotpants. (Ok, two reasons.)